So You’ve Filed for Custody

The claim is that I have not abided by the orders of the court since day 1.

The claim is that I refuse to allow him to participate in events related to my son’s health and well-being.

The claim is that I refuse to allow him to participate in my son’s life in any way, shape, or form.

The claims are close to 100% true. There are no rumors to dispell here.

It is in the best interests of my son’s health, well-being, and future for him not to have any type of contact with his father as his father is unfit to parent.

A.R.S. 25-414. Violation of visitation or parenting time rights; penalties
A. If the court, based on a verified petition and after it gives reasonable notice to an alleged violating parent and an opportunity for that person to be heard, finds that a parent has refused WITHOUT GOOD CAUSE to comply with a visitation or parenting time order….

A.R.S. 25-403. Legal decision-making; best interests of child
A. The court shall determine legal decision-making and parenting time, either originally or on petition for modification, in accordance with the best interests of the child. The court shall consider all factors that are relevant to the child’s physical and emotional well-being, including:

6. Which parent is more likely to allow the child frequent, meaningful and continuing contact with the other parent. THIS PARAGRAPH DOES NOT APPLY if the court determines that a parent is acting in good faith to protect the child from witnessing an act of domestic violence or being a victim of domestic violence or child abuse.

8. Whether there has been DOMESTIC VIOLENCE or CHILD ABUSE pursuant to section 25-403.03.

A.R.S. 25-403.03 states:  “A. Notwithstanding subsection D of this section, joint legal decision-making shall not be awarded if the court makes a finding of the existence of significant domestic violence pursuant to section 13-3601 or if the court finds by a preponderance of the evidence that there has been a significant history of domestic violence.”

Verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, continuous sexual abuse of a child, raping your own child, and child molestation are all considered domestic violence and child abuse under the law. Contributing to the delinquency and dependency of children is child abuse.  Failure to provide is neglect. Neglect is child abuse.  The  rest of the statute can be read here:  http://www.azleg.gov/FormatDocument.asp?inDoc=/ars/25/00403-03.htm&Title=25&DocType=ARS

I cannot forget to mention his substance abuse issue (documentation goes back to when he was 11 years old) that caused all six kids to be removed in 2005 and was also an issue in 2010. He continues to place the family at risk. CPS would take my son out of his home if he went over there and he would never be returned. He’d stay in foster care forever.

A.R.S. 25-403.04. Substance abuse
Read here: http://www.azleg.gov/FormatDocument.asp?inDoc=/ars/25/00403-04.htm&Title=25&DocType=ARS

I will have the full list of statutes along with supporting documentation compiled here soon.  In the mean time, enjoy this short clip which ages Johnny from an infant to an adult and gives us a good look at who Johnny’s real father is.

A man deprived of raising his one and only son and a boy deprived of the love and companionship which can only come from a father.

Warm Regards,

Mel

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Has the Truth Ever Passed Though Your Lips?

This is my son, Johnny.  Now, I did not give birth to him.  He has an Angel Momma.  I did watch him take his first steps and hear him speak his first words and I love him ever so much.  Johnny has a special story that he and I will be telling.  I wish I had seen him before he was shipped off to his “dad’s” parent’s house way back when.  You see his black eyes in his first two baby pictures?  Those were neither the first bruises nor the last that his “dad” inflicted on him.  See, His “dad” is a Narcissistic Sociopath.  People like that place roles on the children in the home.  Johnny’s role was the Scapegoat.  The following defines scapegoating and how Johnny was treated in the home with the encouragement of his “dad”.  Why?  I have a theory.  I will tell you all about it during the telling of Johnny’s story.  This is enough for the moment.  There is so much more and still many questions that we, Johnny and I, would like answered.  Johnny deserves answers.  Johnny did not deserve to be beaten so badly and so often.  Who gives a baby a black eye?  My Narcissistic Sociopathic Ex-Husband does without even blinking an eye.

I will be laying it all out.  Why John Jaramillo detests Johnny so much, what John Jaramillo robbed Johnny from not just Johnny, but a nice group of people and how resilient Johnny is in overcoming such an abusive past.  There are parts of this story that are sick and twisted.  I love you Johnny.  Be sure to let me know if I should add or change anything. ❤  We will go slow.  One piece at a time.  This is a pretty good introduction, you think?  You are amazing.  Don’t ever forget that.  You are none of those things he said you were.  He was projecting himself onto you.  That means he saw you as a mirror and everything he said was meant for himself.  He simply is incapable of accepting criticism, blame, or anything else that shows who he really is.

Scapegoating. 

“Scapegoating is a serious family dysfunctional problem with one member of the family or a social group being blamed for small things, picked on and constantly put down. In scapegoating, one of the authority figures has made a decision that somebody in the family has to be the bad guy. The mother or father makes one child bad and then looks for things (sometimes real, but most often imagined) that are wrong.” (Lynn Namaka, “Scapegoating“)

Often, the emotional child abuser will encourage, through his or her actions and treatment of the scapegoat, the other children to also pick on the scapegoat, so that the scapegoat has no allies in the family. ~ The Invisible Scar


Narcissistic Sociopaths believe they are unique, yet they are all the same.  They all have the same traits and patterns of behavior.  John Jaramillo has every single trait of the Narcissistic Sociopath including:

Lack of remorse or guilt. A lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted, and unempathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one’s victims.

I’ll be going through the list and providing real life examples which includes John’s very own written words.  How else can a guy beat his best friend to a bloody pulp just because his best friend received a text message from his ex-girlfriend, who happens to be Johnny’s aunt (mother’s sister), that said two simple words that everyone says to everyone else, every year.  “MERRY CHRISTMAS”  if he isn’t sick in the head?  I’ll have that story for you too.

With all my love,

Mel

JJ,

No more secrets. No more lies. What was it you told me?  The truth shall set us free?  It isn’t going to set you free.  It is going to get you locked up where you belong.

Toodles.

Raping Him for Child Support, the Sequel

Because every fucking thing he said was bullshit.

If you read the first article regarding Child Support and John’s profession, then you saw his ‘business card’ for ‘JJ’s Automotive Repair and Restoration’ which reflects him being “ASE Certified”.  He is not computer literate and had me design and print those cards out for him.  The information on the cards was provided to me by him. How did I not know he wasn’t a real mechanic?  I didn’t know anything about certifications and never thought to check his credentials.  I trusted him and his story regarding certification was the same regardless of who he told it to.  Not one of his friends nor his parents said anything different nor did anyone correct him while he was teling his lies  I took him at his word.  My word is golden and I used to expect everyone else’s to be golden to them as well.  I no longer hold those expectations.I have also learned that ASE Certifications come in different areas and must be renewed each year.  You must hold certifications in all areas to be qualified as

I have also learned that ASE Certifications come in different areas and must be renewed each year.  You must hold certifications in all areas to be qualified as ASE Master Certified Automotive Technician.  I have seen Brian’s credentials and he has explained it all to me.  He has passed all of the tests and keeps his certifications up to date. Why would John lie about his education and profession?  You’ll have to ask him why he continues to lie about his education and profession.  In his own handwriting, on this ‘Fiduciary Statement in Support of Affifavit”, an official Government document used to certify him as his uncle’s fidicuary, he writes that he has a GED and he is indeed a mechanic.  On the back of the form, he signs his name under the statement, “I CERTIFY THAT the statements on this form are true and correct to the best of my knowledge and belief.”  It also asks about imprisonment and his answer was yet another lie.  He lists Buena High School as if he graduated and Cochise College as part of his education on his Facebook page.  According to Dr. Vaknin, this lying behavior is a classic Narcissistic Trait, which is number one on his list.

1. Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g., exaggerates accomplishments, talents, skills, contacts, and personality traits to the point of lying, demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements) ~ Dr. Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self-Love

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From “What You Need To Know” by Mary M. Alward, Inside the Abuser’s Mind, we learn that they blame others for their failure to succeed and they lie about anything and everything, regardless of importance.  They also believe their own lies but if you catch them in one and call them on it, the suffer Narcissistic Injury and try to lie themselves out of the lie or verbally assault you.  They cannot handle critisism at all.  That is one of the main differences between the Narcissist and the Narcissistic Sociopath.

Fantasies of Success
Abusers believe that they would be famous and rich if the victim and other people weren’t holding them back. Because he believes his failure in life is due to others, he feels he is justified in retaliating in any way he can, including physical and emotional abuse. He belittles, berates and puts others down, including the victim, to make himself feel more powerful.

Lying
Most abusers are liars. They lie to manipulate their victim by controlling information. They also lie to keep their victim, and others, off balance psychologically. This enables the abuser to gain control of every situation.

Glorification
Abusers, both men and women, think of themselves as independent, self-sufficient, superior and strong. If someone criticizes them or says something that causes them to feel insulted, the feeling will cause them to react violently toward their victim. This is the only outlet that they know to use to quell feelings of inadequacy.

John refused to particiate in the divorce. He had plenty of time to file a response and make his desires known, but he wanted it all his way without having to do any of the work.  He didn’t get it his way.  I failed to comply with his demands.  Unhappy with the outcome because he was ordered to pay child support and I was granted sole custody, John went into a Narcissistic rage. He shot threats and insults at me through text messages, one right after the other. He then began carrying out the threats. I had never seen that side of him before and that is when I realized he is capable of anything.  I went to the courthouse and obtained an Order of Protection against him.   His reaction to the final decree is yet another trait of the Narcissistic Sociopath.

Domination
Abusers are extremely dominating to the point that they want to control everything that the victim does. If they don’t get their way, they act like spoiled children. On top of that, they use threats to get what they want. If you allow your abuser to dominate you, you will lose your self respect.

Once he stopped raging, he paid paralegal “JoJo Aguilar” to draw up a document titled, “Request for Reconsideration, Request for Relief from Final Order and Request to Amend Decree of Dissolution of Marriage“. I enjoy making pictures to tell parts of the story and this is a perfect place for one.

Request for Reconsideration Number 9

The portion of my Response to his request that address his item number nine is long.  I tried to be short, but there is no way I could get all the information I have which disputes his claim into just a few lies.  I believe my response was a bit too wordy, but what’s done is done.  I will be posting the documents in full at a later date. Today, I am only focusing on the Child Support portion which is directly related to his education and proffession. My response, if you can read through it all, great.  If not, I completely understand.

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He did file a reply to my response, yet it was after we had the hearing for his Requests which made his filing moot.

JJs reply to my response

So what did John have to say when I called him out on lying about his education and proffession? He posted it on Facebook for the world to see.  “Who cares what I know and what I don’t know as long as the job gets done.”  My reply to him is, “I hate to break it to you, but if you don’t know, then when the job gets done, it’s not done right.  I’m pretty sure the people who you represent yourself to as an educated professional in the field of automotive mechanics care about what you do and do not know.  People do not enjoy being ripped off and they certainly do not enjo have to take their vehicles to be repaired after they already paid you to repair them.  The courts also care about what you do and do not know.  Had you not lied to me about all of it for our entire marriage, the child support worksheet would have been filled out differently.  Blame me all you want, but you are the party at fault and it is your lies that tripped you up.”

Following his statement about what he does and does not know, he writes that he is the one who is real in all this mess.  A real what is my question.  A real fraud?  Yes.  A real liar?  Asolutely.  He cannot claim to be real when everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie.  He is the epitomy of “FAKE“.  He states he has all the answers to everthing I am saying but he will not disclose them. Do you know what that type of ‘VAGUE’ behavior is?  It is another trait of the Narcissitic Sociopath.

Being Vague
Abusers think and speak vaguely to avoid their responsibilities. When asked why they are late or where they’ve been, answers will be vague. If their partners pursue the reason, the abuser becomes defensive and strikes out in order to remain in control of the situation.

Who cares what I know IM the one thats real I HAVE al the answers to everything shes saying

So what about that child support worksheet?  I followed the instructions based on the laws to fill it out.  For the arrears, his claim that I was awarded two years worth is false,  Arrears were dated back to February 2014, which was just after he moved out.  Why those fols he calls friends cannot see that his claims do not add up is beyond me.  He typically hangs out with the he feels are less intelligent than him or those he can manipulate easily.  Intelligent people are too much of a strugle for him to converse with.  Perhas they use words that he does not understand or perhaps they tire of his repetitive speak after a limited amount of time.  He cannot feel good about himself while conversing with those who are well-educated.  They make him feel stupid, which he is, but he doesn’t like to admit that little fact.  The truth is too hard for him to handle.  TRUTH HURTS.

Parents worksheet for child support original filed by petitioner

Child Support Arrears only to Feb 2014

Sorry guy.  I didn’t realize that everything you ever said was a lie and that you were so stupid and uneducated that you can’t hold down any type of job anywhere.  If you had been honest, there would’ve been nothing to fix.  Of course, I would’ve never moved in with you let alone procreated with you.

Oct 14 Child Support Fixed Decree Fixed Next

Well, at least he is a Facebook Certified Mechanic.  It is just a short distance away from a Master ASE Certified Automotive Technician and a tad bit better than a Cracker Jacks Certified Mechanic, but if people accept his Facebook app credentials and are willing to risk having to fix their cars over and over again, then it is their perogative and their money to throw away or let him rip the off if they so wish.

certified auto mechanic

Have a most wonderful day and don’t forget to make somebod smile.  Love changes people.

Mel, Saved by God’s Grace

Cooking the Books – Smear Campaign

THE INJURY:  On July 18, 2014, my Petition for Dissolusion of Marriage with Child was granted and the Decree was signed.  John was more than aware that it was coming, he had been ushing me during the first half of the year to hurry up and finish it.  He just wanted it done.  I told him he needed to file a response to the Petition, but he did not want to.  He reviewed the paperwork BEFORE I filed it and was in agreement with it – at first.  When he began to disagree, I told him to file his grievances in his response.  He never filed anything.  The Divorce was granted by default.  Two days later, he returned our son to my home and picked up his copy of the decree.  NARCISSISTIC INJURY!  I was awarded sole custody-required by law, and child support based on his potential earnings-according to law.  I’m unsure if that was the cause of the injury or if it was actually being divorced that caused it.  I have a feeling he never thought I would actually get it finalized and maybe he had a chance to get me back.  After learning all I have learned about the physical, mental, emotional, sexual, and other abuses of the children carried out by him, there was not even a smidgeon of a chance.  The smear campaign had already begun multiple years before, yet I was not aware of anything going on.  I started becoming aware in late 2013 and by March 2014, I was well aware of the beginnings of the attacks against me.  I have been dealing with his relentless smear campaign against me ever since.

THE LIE:  “She’s been cooking the books for [Organization I work for] for years, paying personal bills…$3,000 Disneyland trip paid with [Org] money,….”

THE THREAT:  “You won’t have a job by the time I’m through with you!  I’m going to the courts and telling them you steal from your job and I’ll testify to it to put you in prison!  That includes taking down the Company you work for!”

THE TRUTH:  I have taken out employee loans over the years to pay some household bills because JOHN refused to get a job and help with the family’s financial responsibilities and would spend the money set aside for bills on drugs instead.  He once took out a loan on my truck to pay off a drug debt and never pain the loan.  They took my truck because of his failure to pay.

THE EVIDENCE:  John’s threats to me in text messages, John’s statement to the accountant’s office (my employments tax accountant), response from my employer regarding John’s allegations, my promissory note detailing weekly repayments deducted directly from my paycheck and John’s statements posted on various Facebook pages.

He says he is going to sue me for slander.  He does not know the meaning of the word.  He can ‘slander’ me but I cannot tell the truth about him.  He believes he is above the law.  He attempted to have me arrested for telling the truth on Facebook.  He literally called the police and attempted to file a report against me for talking about him on Facebook.  I am also waiting for Social Security to contact me regarding him reporting me to them.  For what, I have no clue, but I am sure he has made up a pretty good story and that I have in one of my evidence boxes proof that he filed another false report against me.  False report number 12 or 20, I don’t know.  I stopped counting.

Rules
Abusers feel they are superior to others and don’t have to follow the rules of society. This is also the attitude of hundreds of criminals in prisonsworld wide. Inmates often believe that while other inmates are guilty of their crimes that they aren’t. Abusers feel it is always their partners who need counseling and that they can take care of their life without help or support from others. ~ What you need to know, Mary M. Alward


The anger of narcissists, on the other hand, can be more demeaning. Their criticism evolves from their conviction that others don’t meet their lofty standards–or worse, aren’t letting them get their own way. “Narcissistic injuries,” or wounds to the ego, often pave the way for narcissistic rages, which can be passive-aggressive or planned out, as well as sudden. They are above you and you have displeased them and probably deserve punishment they will dole out. ~ Blame-Storms and Rages

Of course it has to be my fault for following the law.  There’ s no way it could have anything to do with him beating and molesting the children or having all the children permanently removed from his care and custody by Child Protective Services (he filed a false report against me to them, too, on the same day as the report to the tax accaountant) or most certainly not his being stripped of all parental rights to three-fourths of his children.

My ex is making me who I am right now. ~ John Jaramillo

Regards,

~Mel, Saved by God’s Grace

A few of the many texts he sent
A few of the many texts he sent

NEXT UP:  Raping Him for Child Support


Know Your Narc

Because every fucking thing he said was bullshit.

For fourteen years of my life, John has been in it.  Year fifteen has begun.  We got together on New Years or 2000.  I have learned more about him in the past year than I had the previous thirteen years.  How can you be married to a man, live with him, and spend all of you time with him when you are not at work and not know a thing about him?  That is something I beat myself up over.  I had to find the answer.  I am an intelligent, educated woman with a wonderful career.  When it comes to matters of the brain, I am great.  I’m not boasting; I just know my mind.  I continue to learn and expand my knowledge.  When it comes to matters of the heart, I am not so good.  I love the wrong people, trust the wrong people, and sometimes, I let my heart override my brain.

I ventured out in search of an answer.  I began with researching child molestors.  I wanted to know their traits to compare with him.  It wasn’t quite adding up, but it was close.  I learned about propensity evidence.  That gave me the idea to Google his actions instead of what I had labeled him as.  That took me down a completely different path.  I found a blog here on WordPress called “The Ability to Love – Recovery from Psychopathic Abuse“.  The first thing I read about was the SMEAR CAMPAIGN.  It was as if somebody was watching me through a looking glass and writing everything she saw.  I read more of her articles and the more I read, the more I understood why I did not know the man I married, who he really was, and what I had and still have to look forward to for years to come.  I refuse to be broken forever and I refuse to allow the past fourteen years that were stolen from me to prevent me from living the rest of my life.

They are sicker than we are smart. ~ Sandra Brown, M.A.~author of “Women Who Love Psychopaths”.

Everything he ever said was a lie.  I saw him with his mask on for thirteen years; thirteen years of my life vanished from my mind.  None of it was real, not the parts that he was in and THAT is a lot of parts. Over a decade of life had been stolen from me.  I can only imagine what my children must feel for having their entire childhood stripped away from them and how they must look at me for never even noticing their pain.  How can I, a loving, devoted, and overbearing mother, not notice that my children were being harmed and needed help?  My children tell me that it is not my fault.  They tell me not to feel guilty, how much love I gave them, and how my love helped them through.  It is hard not to feel guilty, but I am working on it.  Last year, his took his mask off.  I could not believe that was the same man I had been married to.  He became vile, vicious, and relentless with attacks.  Never have I seen a monster so ugly that the sight of him makes me want to tear my eyes out.  I began to profile him to see exactly what he was.

Last year, I saw him with his mask off.  He is the ugliest monster I have ever seen.  I began to profile him to see exactly what he was.  I found the term “Narcissist” in some text messages between my daughter Cynthia and him.  She called him that.  I looked it up for the exact meaning.  Personality Disorder.  There was a list of traits, most of which fit.  The term fit.  The blog fit.  Narcissistic Sociopath was next on my research list.  I found an informational site on abusers and found what I was looking for.  It was all there.  That was him.  I had his profile.

What you Need to Know – by Mary M. Alward 

That is my abuser, my children’s abuser, their extended family’s abuser and everyone who comes into contact with him’s abuser.  He has never laid a hand on me.  It was all mental and emotional.  My first husband laid a hand on me.  He only hit me once.  There were other physical acts of violence.  I left after the first hit.  I did some healing and I moved past it.  I sitll love him.  I still wish things had been different.  The physical abuse I suffered now seems like a walk in the park.  It didn’t mess with my head or make me want to erase the entire marriage.  I knew who he was.  He never wore a mask.  He might be an ass, but he has always been honest.  These emotional and mental games and assaults John inflicted on me, I didn’t even know it was happening.  It has had a serious effect on my head.  They say physical abuse heals quickly, but mental and emotional abuses are difficult to overcome.  I can now say they were not lying.  I now know who and what I was married to.  I’ll be demonstrating each item on that list while I dispell all of his lies.

Profile your abuser so you know exactly what you are dealing with.  Do not get blindsided.

~Mel, Saved by God’s Grace