Has the Truth Ever Passed Though Your Lips?

This is my son, Johnny.  Now, I did not give birth to him.  He has an Angel Momma.  I did watch him take his first steps and hear him speak his first words and I love him ever so much.  Johnny has a special story that he and I will be telling.  I wish I had seen him before he was shipped off to his “dad’s” parent’s house way back when.  You see his black eyes in his first two baby pictures?  Those were neither the first bruises nor the last that his “dad” inflicted on him.  See, His “dad” is a Narcissistic Sociopath.  People like that place roles on the children in the home.  Johnny’s role was the Scapegoat.  The following defines scapegoating and how Johnny was treated in the home with the encouragement of his “dad”.  Why?  I have a theory.  I will tell you all about it during the telling of Johnny’s story.  This is enough for the moment.  There is so much more and still many questions that we, Johnny and I, would like answered.  Johnny deserves answers.  Johnny did not deserve to be beaten so badly and so often.  Who gives a baby a black eye?  My Narcissistic Sociopathic Ex-Husband does without even blinking an eye.

I will be laying it all out.  Why John Jaramillo detests Johnny so much, what John Jaramillo robbed Johnny from not just Johnny, but a nice group of people and how resilient Johnny is in overcoming such an abusive past.  There are parts of this story that are sick and twisted.  I love you Johnny.  Be sure to let me know if I should add or change anything. ❤  We will go slow.  One piece at a time.  This is a pretty good introduction, you think?  You are amazing.  Don’t ever forget that.  You are none of those things he said you were.  He was projecting himself onto you.  That means he saw you as a mirror and everything he said was meant for himself.  He simply is incapable of accepting criticism, blame, or anything else that shows who he really is.

Scapegoating. 

“Scapegoating is a serious family dysfunctional problem with one member of the family or a social group being blamed for small things, picked on and constantly put down. In scapegoating, one of the authority figures has made a decision that somebody in the family has to be the bad guy. The mother or father makes one child bad and then looks for things (sometimes real, but most often imagined) that are wrong.” (Lynn Namaka, “Scapegoating“)

Often, the emotional child abuser will encourage, through his or her actions and treatment of the scapegoat, the other children to also pick on the scapegoat, so that the scapegoat has no allies in the family. ~ The Invisible Scar


Narcissistic Sociopaths believe they are unique, yet they are all the same.  They all have the same traits and patterns of behavior.  John Jaramillo has every single trait of the Narcissistic Sociopath including:

Lack of remorse or guilt. A lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted, and unempathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one’s victims.

I’ll be going through the list and providing real life examples which includes John’s very own written words.  How else can a guy beat his best friend to a bloody pulp just because his best friend received a text message from his ex-girlfriend, who happens to be Johnny’s aunt (mother’s sister), that said two simple words that everyone says to everyone else, every year.  “MERRY CHRISTMAS”  if he isn’t sick in the head?  I’ll have that story for you too.

With all my love,

Mel

JJ,

No more secrets. No more lies. What was it you told me?  The truth shall set us free?  It isn’t going to set you free.  It is going to get you locked up where you belong.

Toodles.

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“Her own son has nothing nice to say about her!”

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THE LIE:  “Her 20 year old lives with me because of her actions…Her own son has nothing nice to say about her.”

THE THREAT:  “He’s working with me now and we are going to put you in jail.”

THE TRUTH:  My son lived with John because of my son’s own actions.  My son says many good things about me.

My son has a drug problem.  That’s what happens when children are raised with an abusive, drug dealing step-father who provides the children with drugs.  My son was using drugs to cover up the sorrows of his childhood.  I was trying to help him get clean. Each time he began withdrawals, he would damage things in my home.  I still have damages to repair.  He was arrested for throwing a socket through the rear passenger window on my car.  He scared me.  I asked him to leave and he refused.  John and I exchanged text messages.  I asked for help.  John declined to help me.  John told me jail was best for him.

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 10:08:16 AM ] John Jaramillo (+15202496898):   What’s the deal with Ralph? R u ok?

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 10:50:56 AM ] Me:   No

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 10:51:19 AM ] John Jaramillo (+15202496898):   What happen?

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 10:57:23 AM ] Me:   He needs a new place to live. I can’t help him on my own.

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 10:58:17 AM ] John Jaramillo (+15202496898):   He needs more than that! Fuck I’m sorry!!!

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 10:59:32 AM ] Me:   What he needs, I can’t get him. There’s no one else to help. He’s probably going to jail today. Soon as I can make the phone call.

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 11:00:25 AM ] Me:   I have no other options.

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 11:01:18 AM ] John Jaramillo (+15202496898):   I hate to say but jail probably doing some good

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 2:44:00 PM ] Me:   We were in the garage. He was falling asleep. I suggested he go to be. He said he should smash all the windows out of my car for giving him such a shitty childhood. He picked up a heavy socket and threw it at the window of the back door.

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 2:44:00 PM ] Me:  

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 2:47:05 PM ] John Jaramillo (+15202496898):   Damn that’s so fucked up! Sorry it’s been hard with the kids! Wish they wouldn’t take it so hard. Life does go on. Hope things get better!

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 2:49:11 PM ] Me:   He won’t leave on his own. I don’t know if they’ll keep him in jail either though. Criminal damage of private property is a class 1 misdemeanor.

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 2:51:06 PM ] Me:   Do you want to be there when I have them come get him? He’s locked in his room.

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 2:51:57 PM ] John Jaramillo (+15202496898):   U have to put him out. Like u let him in. Not trying to be mean! U tried

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 2:53:02 PM ] Me:   I have to have him physically removed.

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 2:53:09 PM ] Me:   I did try.

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 2:54:08 PM ] John Jaramillo (+15202496898):   I know u did. Theirs nothing u can do when u let them make their own decisions and u stand by them. They made the mistakes now they should have to pay for them. U did your part!:)

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 8:22:09 PM ] Me:   What do you mean they? It’s just Ralph.

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 8:22:40 PM ] John Jaramillo (+15202496898):   Well I seen Cynthia’s report card. Not happy about that. But none of my business. I know. Sorry

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 8:27:20 PM ] Me:   Not sure how you saw it. She slipped. She’s doing better now. You were part the reason she slipped. :/ Anywho, she’s fine.

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 8:31:12 PM ] John Jaramillo (+15202496898):   Ok sure all me. Yup. Figures I’m to blame. All I know is she had people looking for her here about something I had nothing to do with. She messed up all in her own. I didn’t tell her to do what she did. I would of wanted to leave too!! Hope she doesn’t make the same mistakes she made here over their. Anyways sorry to bring it up. 

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 8:32:32 PM ] Me:   I did say all you. Relax.

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 8:33:03 PM ] Me:   She’s only visiting there. She’s coming back.

[ Sunday, June 08, 2014 8:35:28 PM ] John Jaramillo (+15202496898):   That’s cool! Some time away is good!

It took me until the following evening to be able to even make the call.  That was one of the hardest, most gut-wrenching calls I have ever had to make.  I have a daughter and a younger son and I have to look out for their welfare.  The house was being damaged, possessions were being stolen, I had to kick a guy out of my house at 3:00AM when he came in to steal something and my older son got into an argument with him because he felt he was owed money.  I requested the police take him to the hospital for an evaluation and to get him help.  They said thry would, but they never did.

After he was released from his arrest, he came back home and stayed with me for a while longer.  He could not stay clean so he could not stay here.  He went and stayed with John for a short time until John kicked him out and he had no where else to go.  He was living homeless.  I spoke with my Dad who agreed to help.  As soon as my son said he’d go stay with Grandpa, I took him to my Dad’s.  My Dad has been rehabbing him and he has been clean since then.

When one of your biggest fears is checking on your son and finding him deceased due to an overdose and no one will help you help him, then you can judge me for having my son arrested.

I do not have to put up with any type of abuse from anyone, no matter what.

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Cooking the Books – Smear Campaign

THE INJURY:  On July 18, 2014, my Petition for Dissolusion of Marriage with Child was granted and the Decree was signed.  John was more than aware that it was coming, he had been ushing me during the first half of the year to hurry up and finish it.  He just wanted it done.  I told him he needed to file a response to the Petition, but he did not want to.  He reviewed the paperwork BEFORE I filed it and was in agreement with it – at first.  When he began to disagree, I told him to file his grievances in his response.  He never filed anything.  The Divorce was granted by default.  Two days later, he returned our son to my home and picked up his copy of the decree.  NARCISSISTIC INJURY!  I was awarded sole custody-required by law, and child support based on his potential earnings-according to law.  I’m unsure if that was the cause of the injury or if it was actually being divorced that caused it.  I have a feeling he never thought I would actually get it finalized and maybe he had a chance to get me back.  After learning all I have learned about the physical, mental, emotional, sexual, and other abuses of the children carried out by him, there was not even a smidgeon of a chance.  The smear campaign had already begun multiple years before, yet I was not aware of anything going on.  I started becoming aware in late 2013 and by March 2014, I was well aware of the beginnings of the attacks against me.  I have been dealing with his relentless smear campaign against me ever since.

THE LIE:  “She’s been cooking the books for [Organization I work for] for years, paying personal bills…$3,000 Disneyland trip paid with [Org] money,….”

THE THREAT:  “You won’t have a job by the time I’m through with you!  I’m going to the courts and telling them you steal from your job and I’ll testify to it to put you in prison!  That includes taking down the Company you work for!”

THE TRUTH:  I have taken out employee loans over the years to pay some household bills because JOHN refused to get a job and help with the family’s financial responsibilities and would spend the money set aside for bills on drugs instead.  He once took out a loan on my truck to pay off a drug debt and never pain the loan.  They took my truck because of his failure to pay.

THE EVIDENCE:  John’s threats to me in text messages, John’s statement to the accountant’s office (my employments tax accountant), response from my employer regarding John’s allegations, my promissory note detailing weekly repayments deducted directly from my paycheck and John’s statements posted on various Facebook pages.

He says he is going to sue me for slander.  He does not know the meaning of the word.  He can ‘slander’ me but I cannot tell the truth about him.  He believes he is above the law.  He attempted to have me arrested for telling the truth on Facebook.  He literally called the police and attempted to file a report against me for talking about him on Facebook.  I am also waiting for Social Security to contact me regarding him reporting me to them.  For what, I have no clue, but I am sure he has made up a pretty good story and that I have in one of my evidence boxes proof that he filed another false report against me.  False report number 12 or 20, I don’t know.  I stopped counting.

Rules
Abusers feel they are superior to others and don’t have to follow the rules of society. This is also the attitude of hundreds of criminals in prisonsworld wide. Inmates often believe that while other inmates are guilty of their crimes that they aren’t. Abusers feel it is always their partners who need counseling and that they can take care of their life without help or support from others. ~ What you need to know, Mary M. Alward


The anger of narcissists, on the other hand, can be more demeaning. Their criticism evolves from their conviction that others don’t meet their lofty standards–or worse, aren’t letting them get their own way. “Narcissistic injuries,” or wounds to the ego, often pave the way for narcissistic rages, which can be passive-aggressive or planned out, as well as sudden. They are above you and you have displeased them and probably deserve punishment they will dole out. ~ Blame-Storms and Rages

Of course it has to be my fault for following the law.  There’ s no way it could have anything to do with him beating and molesting the children or having all the children permanently removed from his care and custody by Child Protective Services (he filed a false report against me to them, too, on the same day as the report to the tax accaountant) or most certainly not his being stripped of all parental rights to three-fourths of his children.

My ex is making me who I am right now. ~ John Jaramillo

Regards,

~Mel, Saved by God’s Grace

A few of the many texts he sent
A few of the many texts he sent

NEXT UP:  Raping Him for Child Support


Know Your Narc

Because every fucking thing he said was bullshit.

For fourteen years of my life, John has been in it.  Year fifteen has begun.  We got together on New Years or 2000.  I have learned more about him in the past year than I had the previous thirteen years.  How can you be married to a man, live with him, and spend all of you time with him when you are not at work and not know a thing about him?  That is something I beat myself up over.  I had to find the answer.  I am an intelligent, educated woman with a wonderful career.  When it comes to matters of the brain, I am great.  I’m not boasting; I just know my mind.  I continue to learn and expand my knowledge.  When it comes to matters of the heart, I am not so good.  I love the wrong people, trust the wrong people, and sometimes, I let my heart override my brain.

I ventured out in search of an answer.  I began with researching child molestors.  I wanted to know their traits to compare with him.  It wasn’t quite adding up, but it was close.  I learned about propensity evidence.  That gave me the idea to Google his actions instead of what I had labeled him as.  That took me down a completely different path.  I found a blog here on WordPress called “The Ability to Love – Recovery from Psychopathic Abuse“.  The first thing I read about was the SMEAR CAMPAIGN.  It was as if somebody was watching me through a looking glass and writing everything she saw.  I read more of her articles and the more I read, the more I understood why I did not know the man I married, who he really was, and what I had and still have to look forward to for years to come.  I refuse to be broken forever and I refuse to allow the past fourteen years that were stolen from me to prevent me from living the rest of my life.

They are sicker than we are smart. ~ Sandra Brown, M.A.~author of “Women Who Love Psychopaths”.

Everything he ever said was a lie.  I saw him with his mask on for thirteen years; thirteen years of my life vanished from my mind.  None of it was real, not the parts that he was in and THAT is a lot of parts. Over a decade of life had been stolen from me.  I can only imagine what my children must feel for having their entire childhood stripped away from them and how they must look at me for never even noticing their pain.  How can I, a loving, devoted, and overbearing mother, not notice that my children were being harmed and needed help?  My children tell me that it is not my fault.  They tell me not to feel guilty, how much love I gave them, and how my love helped them through.  It is hard not to feel guilty, but I am working on it.  Last year, his took his mask off.  I could not believe that was the same man I had been married to.  He became vile, vicious, and relentless with attacks.  Never have I seen a monster so ugly that the sight of him makes me want to tear my eyes out.  I began to profile him to see exactly what he was.

Last year, I saw him with his mask off.  He is the ugliest monster I have ever seen.  I began to profile him to see exactly what he was.  I found the term “Narcissist” in some text messages between my daughter Cynthia and him.  She called him that.  I looked it up for the exact meaning.  Personality Disorder.  There was a list of traits, most of which fit.  The term fit.  The blog fit.  Narcissistic Sociopath was next on my research list.  I found an informational site on abusers and found what I was looking for.  It was all there.  That was him.  I had his profile.

What you Need to Know – by Mary M. Alward 

That is my abuser, my children’s abuser, their extended family’s abuser and everyone who comes into contact with him’s abuser.  He has never laid a hand on me.  It was all mental and emotional.  My first husband laid a hand on me.  He only hit me once.  There were other physical acts of violence.  I left after the first hit.  I did some healing and I moved past it.  I sitll love him.  I still wish things had been different.  The physical abuse I suffered now seems like a walk in the park.  It didn’t mess with my head or make me want to erase the entire marriage.  I knew who he was.  He never wore a mask.  He might be an ass, but he has always been honest.  These emotional and mental games and assaults John inflicted on me, I didn’t even know it was happening.  It has had a serious effect on my head.  They say physical abuse heals quickly, but mental and emotional abuses are difficult to overcome.  I can now say they were not lying.  I now know who and what I was married to.  I’ll be demonstrating each item on that list while I dispell all of his lies.

Profile your abuser so you know exactly what you are dealing with.  Do not get blindsided.

~Mel, Saved by God’s Grace