Silenced?

As if. Daddy always did say I had a little problem with authority and I also had a little problem keeping my mouth shut. Would you believe I actually got detention in kindergarten because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut? Who gets the detention in kindergarten? Me that’s who.

Daddy made a bet with me that I would not survive basic training for the military because of my mouth. He almost won that bet. Almost. I did get in trouble and I did get threatened to be relieved from my position before I even got a chance to get to it but I made it and I won the bet. I actually think he made the bet to get me to join the military. But I’m thankful that I did because it was a really great experience and a wonderful adventure through life.

I still have trouble with authority.  But, I’m learning and getting better at what I do best – run my mouth. I don’t think that’s what I do best, but lately, I’ve been doing it quite well. A few things I’m not allowed to speak about right now, but there are other things that I can continue to tell the world about and those things I cannot tell are things I would not tell at this time anyway.  I’ve learned that just because I’m able to continue to use my voice, that doesn’t mean everyone is or everyone should.  We each must face the nightmares in our own way and our own time.

It’s been said that I should just move on and get past this and basically forget that it ever happened. Well, it’s just not that easy. You can’t just forget about a man molesting  and sexually abusing  and physically abusing  and mentally abusing and tearing apart  your family  from the inside out until there’s nothing left.

the devil fears

Imagine your child through the ages 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 and 15 years old. Now imagine you just found out that during those ages your child was sexually assaulted on a regular basis by a family member; more days of the week than not.

Now forget about it and act like it never happened and move on with your life. The perpetrator’s not going to pay for it. He gets to be free. You have to deal with all the damage. And on top of that, the perpetrator gets half custody of your child. That was against the law but the law doesn’t matter here does it?

But but but…. pretend like it never happened and move on with your life and don’t do anything about it. Don’t hold a grudge; just let it go. Can you do it?

This is not something petty. The seriousness of this crime has been completely ignored by the person calling differences petty, but I can’t get into that here and I will explain later.

Right now the only thing I’m going to do is leave you a little something to read. The names have been blacked out to protect the innocent. And that’s all I’m going to say about that. Tonight anyway.

"...she told her father no. ...her father grabbed her by her belt loop and pulled her closer to him and stuck his hand into her pants."
From the Office Report for Incident 10-06545 Nature of Incident: Sexual Abuse/Molestation ***Public Information***
"he dad pulled her pants down from behind and began touching her...she told her dad not to touch her because she was saving herself for when she got married...her dad told her I understand."
From the Office Report for Incident 10-06545 Nature of Incident: Sexual Abuse/Molestation ***Public Information***
"...her father...had come into her room while she was sleeping. ... her father got into bed with her. ... her father pulled her ... closer to him by putting his hands on her waist and pulling her. ..."
From the Office Report for Incident 10-06545 Nature of Incident: Sexual Abuse/Molestation ***Public Information***
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So You’ve Filed for Custody

The claim is that I have not abided by the orders of the court since day 1.

The claim is that I refuse to allow him to participate in events related to my son’s health and well-being.

The claim is that I refuse to allow him to participate in my son’s life in any way, shape, or form.

The claims are close to 100% true. There are no rumors to dispell here.

It is in the best interests of my son’s health, well-being, and future for him not to have any type of contact with his father as his father is unfit to parent.

A.R.S. 25-414. Violation of visitation or parenting time rights; penalties
A. If the court, based on a verified petition and after it gives reasonable notice to an alleged violating parent and an opportunity for that person to be heard, finds that a parent has refused WITHOUT GOOD CAUSE to comply with a visitation or parenting time order….

A.R.S. 25-403. Legal decision-making; best interests of child
A. The court shall determine legal decision-making and parenting time, either originally or on petition for modification, in accordance with the best interests of the child. The court shall consider all factors that are relevant to the child’s physical and emotional well-being, including:

6. Which parent is more likely to allow the child frequent, meaningful and continuing contact with the other parent. THIS PARAGRAPH DOES NOT APPLY if the court determines that a parent is acting in good faith to protect the child from witnessing an act of domestic violence or being a victim of domestic violence or child abuse.

8. Whether there has been DOMESTIC VIOLENCE or CHILD ABUSE pursuant to section 25-403.03.

A.R.S. 25-403.03 states:  “A. Notwithstanding subsection D of this section, joint legal decision-making shall not be awarded if the court makes a finding of the existence of significant domestic violence pursuant to section 13-3601 or if the court finds by a preponderance of the evidence that there has been a significant history of domestic violence.”

Verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, continuous sexual abuse of a child, raping your own child, and child molestation are all considered domestic violence and child abuse under the law. Contributing to the delinquency and dependency of children is child abuse.  Failure to provide is neglect. Neglect is child abuse.  The  rest of the statute can be read here:  http://www.azleg.gov/FormatDocument.asp?inDoc=/ars/25/00403-03.htm&Title=25&DocType=ARS

I cannot forget to mention his substance abuse issue (documentation goes back to when he was 11 years old) that caused all six kids to be removed in 2005 and was also an issue in 2010. He continues to place the family at risk. CPS would take my son out of his home if he went over there and he would never be returned. He’d stay in foster care forever.

A.R.S. 25-403.04. Substance abuse
Read here: http://www.azleg.gov/FormatDocument.asp?inDoc=/ars/25/00403-04.htm&Title=25&DocType=ARS

I will have the full list of statutes along with supporting documentation compiled here soon.  In the mean time, enjoy this short clip which ages Johnny from an infant to an adult and gives us a good look at who Johnny’s real father is.

A man deprived of raising his one and only son and a boy deprived of the love and companionship which can only come from a father.

Warm Regards,

Mel

Has the Truth Ever Passed Though Your Lips?

This is my son, Johnny.  Now, I did not give birth to him.  He has an Angel Momma.  I did watch him take his first steps and hear him speak his first words and I love him ever so much.  Johnny has a special story that he and I will be telling.  I wish I had seen him before he was shipped off to his “dad’s” parent’s house way back when.  You see his black eyes in his first two baby pictures?  Those were neither the first bruises nor the last that his “dad” inflicted on him.  See, His “dad” is a Narcissistic Sociopath.  People like that place roles on the children in the home.  Johnny’s role was the Scapegoat.  The following defines scapegoating and how Johnny was treated in the home with the encouragement of his “dad”.  Why?  I have a theory.  I will tell you all about it during the telling of Johnny’s story.  This is enough for the moment.  There is so much more and still many questions that we, Johnny and I, would like answered.  Johnny deserves answers.  Johnny did not deserve to be beaten so badly and so often.  Who gives a baby a black eye?  My Narcissistic Sociopathic Ex-Husband does without even blinking an eye.

I will be laying it all out.  Why John Jaramillo detests Johnny so much, what John Jaramillo robbed Johnny from not just Johnny, but a nice group of people and how resilient Johnny is in overcoming such an abusive past.  There are parts of this story that are sick and twisted.  I love you Johnny.  Be sure to let me know if I should add or change anything. ❤  We will go slow.  One piece at a time.  This is a pretty good introduction, you think?  You are amazing.  Don’t ever forget that.  You are none of those things he said you were.  He was projecting himself onto you.  That means he saw you as a mirror and everything he said was meant for himself.  He simply is incapable of accepting criticism, blame, or anything else that shows who he really is.

Scapegoating. 

“Scapegoating is a serious family dysfunctional problem with one member of the family or a social group being blamed for small things, picked on and constantly put down. In scapegoating, one of the authority figures has made a decision that somebody in the family has to be the bad guy. The mother or father makes one child bad and then looks for things (sometimes real, but most often imagined) that are wrong.” (Lynn Namaka, “Scapegoating“)

Often, the emotional child abuser will encourage, through his or her actions and treatment of the scapegoat, the other children to also pick on the scapegoat, so that the scapegoat has no allies in the family. ~ The Invisible Scar


Narcissistic Sociopaths believe they are unique, yet they are all the same.  They all have the same traits and patterns of behavior.  John Jaramillo has every single trait of the Narcissistic Sociopath including:

Lack of remorse or guilt. A lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted, and unempathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one’s victims.

I’ll be going through the list and providing real life examples which includes John’s very own written words.  How else can a guy beat his best friend to a bloody pulp just because his best friend received a text message from his ex-girlfriend, who happens to be Johnny’s aunt (mother’s sister), that said two simple words that everyone says to everyone else, every year.  “MERRY CHRISTMAS”  if he isn’t sick in the head?  I’ll have that story for you too.

With all my love,

Mel

JJ,

No more secrets. No more lies. What was it you told me?  The truth shall set us free?  It isn’t going to set you free.  It is going to get you locked up where you belong.

Toodles.

Know Your Narc

Because every fucking thing he said was bullshit.

For fourteen years of my life, John has been in it.  Year fifteen has begun.  We got together on New Years or 2000.  I have learned more about him in the past year than I had the previous thirteen years.  How can you be married to a man, live with him, and spend all of you time with him when you are not at work and not know a thing about him?  That is something I beat myself up over.  I had to find the answer.  I am an intelligent, educated woman with a wonderful career.  When it comes to matters of the brain, I am great.  I’m not boasting; I just know my mind.  I continue to learn and expand my knowledge.  When it comes to matters of the heart, I am not so good.  I love the wrong people, trust the wrong people, and sometimes, I let my heart override my brain.

I ventured out in search of an answer.  I began with researching child molestors.  I wanted to know their traits to compare with him.  It wasn’t quite adding up, but it was close.  I learned about propensity evidence.  That gave me the idea to Google his actions instead of what I had labeled him as.  That took me down a completely different path.  I found a blog here on WordPress called “The Ability to Love – Recovery from Psychopathic Abuse“.  The first thing I read about was the SMEAR CAMPAIGN.  It was as if somebody was watching me through a looking glass and writing everything she saw.  I read more of her articles and the more I read, the more I understood why I did not know the man I married, who he really was, and what I had and still have to look forward to for years to come.  I refuse to be broken forever and I refuse to allow the past fourteen years that were stolen from me to prevent me from living the rest of my life.

They are sicker than we are smart. ~ Sandra Brown, M.A.~author of “Women Who Love Psychopaths”.

Everything he ever said was a lie.  I saw him with his mask on for thirteen years; thirteen years of my life vanished from my mind.  None of it was real, not the parts that he was in and THAT is a lot of parts. Over a decade of life had been stolen from me.  I can only imagine what my children must feel for having their entire childhood stripped away from them and how they must look at me for never even noticing their pain.  How can I, a loving, devoted, and overbearing mother, not notice that my children were being harmed and needed help?  My children tell me that it is not my fault.  They tell me not to feel guilty, how much love I gave them, and how my love helped them through.  It is hard not to feel guilty, but I am working on it.  Last year, his took his mask off.  I could not believe that was the same man I had been married to.  He became vile, vicious, and relentless with attacks.  Never have I seen a monster so ugly that the sight of him makes me want to tear my eyes out.  I began to profile him to see exactly what he was.

Last year, I saw him with his mask off.  He is the ugliest monster I have ever seen.  I began to profile him to see exactly what he was.  I found the term “Narcissist” in some text messages between my daughter Cynthia and him.  She called him that.  I looked it up for the exact meaning.  Personality Disorder.  There was a list of traits, most of which fit.  The term fit.  The blog fit.  Narcissistic Sociopath was next on my research list.  I found an informational site on abusers and found what I was looking for.  It was all there.  That was him.  I had his profile.

What you Need to Know – by Mary M. Alward 

That is my abuser, my children’s abuser, their extended family’s abuser and everyone who comes into contact with him’s abuser.  He has never laid a hand on me.  It was all mental and emotional.  My first husband laid a hand on me.  He only hit me once.  There were other physical acts of violence.  I left after the first hit.  I did some healing and I moved past it.  I sitll love him.  I still wish things had been different.  The physical abuse I suffered now seems like a walk in the park.  It didn’t mess with my head or make me want to erase the entire marriage.  I knew who he was.  He never wore a mask.  He might be an ass, but he has always been honest.  These emotional and mental games and assaults John inflicted on me, I didn’t even know it was happening.  It has had a serious effect on my head.  They say physical abuse heals quickly, but mental and emotional abuses are difficult to overcome.  I can now say they were not lying.  I now know who and what I was married to.  I’ll be demonstrating each item on that list while I dispell all of his lies.

Profile your abuser so you know exactly what you are dealing with.  Do not get blindsided.

~Mel, Saved by God’s Grace