Has the Truth Ever Passed Though Your Lips?

This is my son, Johnny.  Now, I did not give birth to him.  He has an Angel Momma.  I did watch him take his first steps and hear him speak his first words and I love him ever so much.  Johnny has a special story that he and I will be telling.  I wish I had seen him before he was shipped off to his “dad’s” parent’s house way back when.  You see his black eyes in his first two baby pictures?  Those were neither the first bruises nor the last that his “dad” inflicted on him.  See, His “dad” is a Narcissistic Sociopath.  People like that place roles on the children in the home.  Johnny’s role was the Scapegoat.  The following defines scapegoating and how Johnny was treated in the home with the encouragement of his “dad”.  Why?  I have a theory.  I will tell you all about it during the telling of Johnny’s story.  This is enough for the moment.  There is so much more and still many questions that we, Johnny and I, would like answered.  Johnny deserves answers.  Johnny did not deserve to be beaten so badly and so often.  Who gives a baby a black eye?  My Narcissistic Sociopathic Ex-Husband does without even blinking an eye.

I will be laying it all out.  Why John Jaramillo detests Johnny so much, what John Jaramillo robbed Johnny from not just Johnny, but a nice group of people and how resilient Johnny is in overcoming such an abusive past.  There are parts of this story that are sick and twisted.  I love you Johnny.  Be sure to let me know if I should add or change anything. ❤  We will go slow.  One piece at a time.  This is a pretty good introduction, you think?  You are amazing.  Don’t ever forget that.  You are none of those things he said you were.  He was projecting himself onto you.  That means he saw you as a mirror and everything he said was meant for himself.  He simply is incapable of accepting criticism, blame, or anything else that shows who he really is.


“Scapegoating is a serious family dysfunctional problem with one member of the family or a social group being blamed for small things, picked on and constantly put down. In scapegoating, one of the authority figures has made a decision that somebody in the family has to be the bad guy. The mother or father makes one child bad and then looks for things (sometimes real, but most often imagined) that are wrong.” (Lynn Namaka, “Scapegoating“)

Often, the emotional child abuser will encourage, through his or her actions and treatment of the scapegoat, the other children to also pick on the scapegoat, so that the scapegoat has no allies in the family. ~ The Invisible Scar

Narcissistic Sociopaths believe they are unique, yet they are all the same.  They all have the same traits and patterns of behavior.  John Jaramillo has every single trait of the Narcissistic Sociopath including:

Lack of remorse or guilt. A lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted, and unempathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one’s victims.

I’ll be going through the list and providing real life examples which includes John’s very own written words.  How else can a guy beat his best friend to a bloody pulp just because his best friend received a text message from his ex-girlfriend, who happens to be Johnny’s aunt (mother’s sister), that said two simple words that everyone says to everyone else, every year.  “MERRY CHRISTMAS”  if he isn’t sick in the head?  I’ll have that story for you too.

With all my love,



No more secrets. No more lies. What was it you told me?  The truth shall set us free?  It isn’t going to set you free.  It is going to get you locked up where you belong.


Know Your Narc

Because every fucking thing he said was bullshit.

For fourteen years of my life, John has been in it.  Year fifteen has begun.  We got together on New Years or 2000.  I have learned more about him in the past year than I had the previous thirteen years.  How can you be married to a man, live with him, and spend all of you time with him when you are not at work and not know a thing about him?  That is something I beat myself up over.  I had to find the answer.  I am an intelligent, educated woman with a wonderful career.  When it comes to matters of the brain, I am great.  I’m not boasting; I just know my mind.  I continue to learn and expand my knowledge.  When it comes to matters of the heart, I am not so good.  I love the wrong people, trust the wrong people, and sometimes, I let my heart override my brain.

I ventured out in search of an answer.  I began with researching child molestors.  I wanted to know their traits to compare with him.  It wasn’t quite adding up, but it was close.  I learned about propensity evidence.  That gave me the idea to Google his actions instead of what I had labeled him as.  That took me down a completely different path.  I found a blog here on WordPress called “The Ability to Love – Recovery from Psychopathic Abuse“.  The first thing I read about was the SMEAR CAMPAIGN.  It was as if somebody was watching me through a looking glass and writing everything she saw.  I read more of her articles and the more I read, the more I understood why I did not know the man I married, who he really was, and what I had and still have to look forward to for years to come.  I refuse to be broken forever and I refuse to allow the past fourteen years that were stolen from me to prevent me from living the rest of my life.

They are sicker than we are smart. ~ Sandra Brown, M.A.~author of “Women Who Love Psychopaths”.

Everything he ever said was a lie.  I saw him with his mask on for thirteen years; thirteen years of my life vanished from my mind.  None of it was real, not the parts that he was in and THAT is a lot of parts. Over a decade of life had been stolen from me.  I can only imagine what my children must feel for having their entire childhood stripped away from them and how they must look at me for never even noticing their pain.  How can I, a loving, devoted, and overbearing mother, not notice that my children were being harmed and needed help?  My children tell me that it is not my fault.  They tell me not to feel guilty, how much love I gave them, and how my love helped them through.  It is hard not to feel guilty, but I am working on it.  Last year, his took his mask off.  I could not believe that was the same man I had been married to.  He became vile, vicious, and relentless with attacks.  Never have I seen a monster so ugly that the sight of him makes me want to tear my eyes out.  I began to profile him to see exactly what he was.

Last year, I saw him with his mask off.  He is the ugliest monster I have ever seen.  I began to profile him to see exactly what he was.  I found the term “Narcissist” in some text messages between my daughter Cynthia and him.  She called him that.  I looked it up for the exact meaning.  Personality Disorder.  There was a list of traits, most of which fit.  The term fit.  The blog fit.  Narcissistic Sociopath was next on my research list.  I found an informational site on abusers and found what I was looking for.  It was all there.  That was him.  I had his profile.

What you Need to Know – by Mary M. Alward 

That is my abuser, my children’s abuser, their extended family’s abuser and everyone who comes into contact with him’s abuser.  He has never laid a hand on me.  It was all mental and emotional.  My first husband laid a hand on me.  He only hit me once.  There were other physical acts of violence.  I left after the first hit.  I did some healing and I moved past it.  I sitll love him.  I still wish things had been different.  The physical abuse I suffered now seems like a walk in the park.  It didn’t mess with my head or make me want to erase the entire marriage.  I knew who he was.  He never wore a mask.  He might be an ass, but he has always been honest.  These emotional and mental games and assaults John inflicted on me, I didn’t even know it was happening.  It has had a serious effect on my head.  They say physical abuse heals quickly, but mental and emotional abuses are difficult to overcome.  I can now say they were not lying.  I now know who and what I was married to.  I’ll be demonstrating each item on that list while I dispell all of his lies.

Profile your abuser so you know exactly what you are dealing with.  Do not get blindsided.

~Mel, Saved by God’s Grace